Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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