its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
