Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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