I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
