Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
