I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
