Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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