So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
