DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
