Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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