Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
