i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
