Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
