So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
