So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
false alarm, still single
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
