If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
