so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
