We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
