overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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