omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
