He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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