I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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