I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
