I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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