I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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