she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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