I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
accomplished twins. life is a go
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
