Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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