I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
