I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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