Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
