Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
