i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
