Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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