new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
