Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
