I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
