so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
