he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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