these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
