He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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