"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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