I have demons in me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
