Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
