i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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