i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
