I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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