The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
