She is in my trunk
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
