My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
