"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
