This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
