If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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