last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize