just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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