I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
