C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize