Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
