Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
