I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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