Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im holly from the hills drunk
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
