I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
