So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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