Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
