Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
