i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
