sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
