in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
