I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
