im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
