How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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