I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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